The economy sucks and job prospects are sketchy at best. So unemployed 28 year-old Mork Encino has launched a website advertising his humble services. What is he selling?
For $10,000 Mr. Encino will let people hunt him; if you pony up an extra $2,000 you can hunt him naked. Well I guess it’s implied in the name of the website, huntme4sport.com. It’s not a terribly original idea, you’ve got the short story, “The Most Dangerous Game” and the 1994 film Surviving the Game with Ice-T, Rutger Hauer, and Gary Busey.
Granted in those, the hunted aren’t willing participants getting paid. But it’s still hunting human beings. I don’t know that Mr. Encino is sane. Reading through postings on his site, he sounds desperate but also one sandwich short of a picnic.
I seek hearty gents who fancy themselves sportsmen and bored of the usual game. I am a new breed of prey with thick pelt and smooth hide. I’m faster than a wild turkey, smart as any GODDAMN wild boar and willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for the monetary health of my family.
If I am trapped and killed you stand to earn the RESPECT of your fellow hunters, a PRIZE HUMAN MOUNT for your wall and ALL INCOME from any organ harvest. For this I ask the reasonable sum of $10,000 US DOLLARS per hunter/per round.
I will be armed only with my wits and the clothes on my back (naked is + $2,000 US/ per hunter per round).
A round is a days (24 hrs) hunt. Now, IF a hunter falls in one of his OWN booby traps or fires at another hunter they are IMMEDIATELY DISQUALIFIED and I WIN the $$.
I will not attempt self-defense. I will only seek to evade capture. In the event of my demise ALL payment will default to my family.
Property is remote & secure. ATV friendly, smokehouse and grill ON SITE.
Wow, he’s got a smokehouse and a grill on his property. Even if you don’t get him, at least you could smoke a turkey or grill some fine ribs. He seems sincere about how the whole transaction would go down.
But I’ll tell you what, you wire me good cash money and I’ll give you directions flat off the Interstate, shake your hand and look you in the eye like a goddamn MAN and then I’ll haul ass while you’re cleaning your piece and unloading your quad.
If you’re the sentimental type—and shit I guess maybe I am—perhaps you could donate or somehow arrange for a small memorial in my name for after I’m gone. Just a tasteful little plaque above one of the urinals in the Pine Lodge men’s room, something to remind everyone. JC knows NOTHINGS worked out the way I used to plan.
But forget that. That might be out of reach now. Pay me!
I don’t know that I’d want to spend $10k on chasing this particular guy. Now if you wanted to make it interesting and throw a Wall Street banker, Washington lobbyist, and/or pedophile priest into the mix– now that would be a reason to go-a-huntin.