Lindsay Lohan Ready for Jailhouse Rock

Can someone please explain to me the whole Lindsay Lohan thing? I get that Little Miss Train Wreck is going to serve at least some time in prison and rehab. I get that she’s been surrounded by throngs of hangers-on and a family that treats her like a wing-man/meal ticket.

At the ripe age of 24, she looks like a 40 or 50 something year old mom who brings her kids to school in a skirt that’s too short to flirt with the divorced dads in the carpool lane. I get all of that. I get why this Oompa Loompa with an eating disorder is going down. What I don’t get, is why the f*ck we’re supposed to care.

Almost every news blurb I’ve heard in the last couple of days has talked about poor Lindsay.

Has she hit bottom?

Will she bounce back?

She’s sooo talented.

They sound like the same people who get excited about the new M. Night Shyamalan movie. The guy made one really great movie…ONE.  The rest have blown. Could someone fill me in on this great body of work of Lindsay Lohan? Was it Herbie Fully Loaded or I Know Who Killed Me?

Her mom, Dina, has been using her Carvel card to score ice cream freebies on Lindsay’s card. Lindsay also owes over $16,000 to a West Hollywood boutique after she took merchandise with the understanding that her management would pay for it “later”. How stupid are you?

In the last three years Lohan has been in three movies that tanked, got kicked off Ugly Betty after 4 episodes and stared in one direct-to-video stinker. Where did the boutique think the money was coming from?   Last time I checked, booze and blow were not free and doing them does not generate income. As far as Ungaro hiring her…well, hopefully, he learned his lesson.

If it were up to me, after the jail and rehab I’d ship Lindsay off to Jamie Spears. Jamie Spears… keeping panties on his pop princess daughter for over two years.