U Got The Look, That Photoshop Look

Remember the Twilight Zone episode where everyone in the future picks their looks from a catalog. A teenage girl tries to avoid having the procedure but is changed in the end anyway. She ends up looking like a “Number 12″… just like everyone she knows. Everyone looks like a select handful of people. I’m afraid we may be headed there if Hollywood has anything to say about it.

Look at almost any magazine or especially any movie poster. No one looks anything like themselves anymore. I thought the whole point of being famous was to be recognized and therefore bankable as a familiar face. I guess the rules have changed. If you’ve seen the posters for Sex and the City 2 or Salt you know what I mean.

Who the hell are these people and why do they scare me?  The other day I was on some website with the ad bar on the side. It took me several minutes to realize the tight shot of Sarah Jessica Parker was Sarah Jessica Parker. It’s her, and I use that term very loosely, face with sunglasses. Did not recognize her. Watched the show for years, but could not recognize her.

If you caught the poster for the new Angelina Jolie action thingy…same thing. Does not look anything like her. You know, it used to piss me off when movie posters where of things not in the movie. Julia Roberts never wore a pink top in Pretty Woman.  The thing is, it was Julia Roberts in the poster.  It looked like Julia Roberts. When you went to the movie, guess what…Julia Roberts. These days, women in movie posters look about as real as Barbie or Heidi (Montag) Pratt.

People, you need to lay off the Photoshop. Can I please have the number of the people who either decide to make these changes or who think they are improving the image? You people have many many issues with body image and self esteem and should probably be beaten repeatedly. Seriously, what is wrong with you?

Last year, Filippa Hamilton was fired from her over nine year gig as the face of Ralph Lauren. She said her contract was terminated in April 2009 because she was too heavy. “They fired me because they said I was overweight and I couldn’t fit in their clothes anymore,” she said.  She’s 5’8″ and 120 pounds. That was after an ad for the Ralph Lauren Blue Label in Japan featured an altered photo of Hamilton looking to be about a foot taller with a 14″ waist and 40″ bust. Suffice it to say she made Barbie’s measurements seem attainable.

Now, even though women in ads and especially movie posters may strive for some “ideal” image of perfect beauty with the measurements of the aliens from Close Encounters, men it seems can look like hell. As long as it’s a homogeneous form of watered down hell. Look at the new poster of the A-Team movie.

It’s four tight shots of the main characters. Every wrinkle and lines almost highlighting their testosterone rich mojo. If you’re not really paying attention, you won’t be able to tell which one is which, well, except Quinton Jackson. The old A-Team you could identify with a silhouette, the new one is more like three whites guys and a black guy with a mohawk. Why would I want to see that?

You people make me want to lose my lunch…and before you get too excited about that, I don’t mean as a means of portion control. Go eat a potato!