Ten Most Famous Mistresses

So Time.com compiled their list of history’s ten most famous mistresses.  I can only ask– are they out of their mind!  They put Tiger Woods’ side piece, Jaimee Grubbs at the top of the list.  She schtupped a pro golfer, not a politician.  And she’s not the only one he was seeing.  Here is Time Magazine’s terribly flawed top ten:

1. Jaimee Grubbs
2. María Belén Chapur
3. Rielle Hunter
4. Marilyn Monroe
5. Ashley Dupré
6. Anne Boleyn
7. Lucy Mercer
8. Monica Lewinsky
9. Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall
10. Amy Fisher

Time.com being the interactive site they are did ask,  “What’s your top ten list”.  So I’m making one for people who actually cracked open a history book in their life and don’t get all their news from TMZ.

At the top of this list, light years ahead of the rest of them should be Anne Boleyn.  Her actions as a mistress changed the course Western Civilization.  What has anybody else done on this list done other than be fodder for tabloids and our pointless 24 hour news cycle?

In order to be with her, Anne demanded that changes be made.  Thus Henry VIII broke with the Papal authority of the Roman Catholic Chruch to became the head of the Church of England so that he could annul his first marriage and make Anne Boleyn the Queen consort of England.  If anything she knew what she wanted and she went out and got it.  Granted it did end badly for her in 1536 when she was beheaded at The Tower of London.  One other major point in her favor, she was the mother of Queen Elizabeth I, arguably one of the most influential rulers of England.

Next on the list should be Marilyn Monroe.  She was already famous in her own right.  Her hooking up with John F. Kennedy and possibly Bobby Kennedy just adds to her legend.  We are talking about the President and the Attorney General of the United States– powerful men.  Not a golfer that hawks Gillette razors and Buicks. Add to the fact that there is speculation that her dalliances got her killed, she’s a lock at number two.

In the third position, as much as I am loathe to put her here is Monica Lewinsky.  She meets the criteria for fooling around with a powerful person.  And the fallout from the affair put wind into the sails of Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr’s Whitewater investigation.  We got to have President Bill Clinton tell us how he defines the word, “Is” when questioned about the affair.  “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is. If the—if he—if ‘is’ means is and never has been, that is not—that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement”.

Number four, I’m giving to Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall.  Granted now she married her man, but before that she was Camilla Parker Bowles the mistress.  Again she was seeing a powerful person– Charles, Prince of Wales the heir apparent to throne of the British Commonwealth.  Very impressive.  Even more impressive– her competition was Princess Di.

In the fifth position, I’m going with Lucy Mercer the long time mistress of Franklin D. Roosevelt.  She came into his life as his wife Eleanor’s secretary in 1913.  They were going at it by 1918.  And she was reportedly there the day FDR died in April 1945.  You have to admire her for keeping it quiet during wartime.

Now the last five are trendy.  No one will know their names in five or ten years, other than being a Jeopardy question or on the back of a Trivial Pursuit card.

So at number six I put, Rielle Hunter the baby momma of former North Carolina Senator and VP candidate John Edwards.  This got very messy and ugly.  The worst is having the National Enquirer break the story and force the rest of the traditional media play catch up.

At number seven, Ashley Dupré, the pricey call girl who got Eliot Spitzer in trouble.  Does she even really qualify?  This was a business transaction.  Nevertheless, Spitzer stepped down as the Governor of New York.

At number eight, María Belén Chapur, the Argentine mystery woman who caused South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford to pull his now famous vanishing act.  She’s not that interesting as a mistress.  What is interesting is Sanford’s inability to shut up about it and his failure to understand why nobody wants to cut him any slack.

Number nine, Amy Fisher.  The “Long Island Lolita” who bedded Joey Buttafuoco, an auto mechanic.  Not a president, not a governor, or an ex-senator.  She slept with Mr. Goodwrench and then tried to kill his wife. Yes, there were two TV movies in primetime about the affair.  But really.  A seven year stretch in prison, all that press attention, and now she is trying to make it as a pornographic actress.  Kinda pathetic billing yourself as the Long Island Lolita when you’re well into your thirties.

Number ten, I put Jaimee Grubbs in her rightful place– irrelevant.  She wasn’t the only one.  We won’t know her name twelve months from now.  And shame on any reality TV show that goes out and tries and extend her 15 minutes of fame.  What I don’t get, is that none of these women was better looking than his wife, Elin.  Tiger Woods seems to going to the Hugh Grant school of infidelity.

A big thumbs up to Saturday Night Live for making a funny skit out of the whole Tiger Woods mess.

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