You Might Be a Supermodel If... You're Not Janice Dickinson

When did it become a crime in America to be average or just “good” at what you do?  Now everyone wants to be exceptional or considered a superstar.  I don’t remember it being this way, as a child there were people that were acknowledged as “good”, but then there were those who we all agreed were “better” or even the “best” at what they did. This was true on the playground, in the classroom, at the office, etc.  The metrics were known.  It was all in plain sight and people agreed.

Then something happened– I don’t know if I should blame liberals with their political correctness or conservatives reading Ayn Rand.  Somehow everybody has the right to exercise a claim to being special or great–without any proof or broad consensus.  I call this the Janice Dickinson syndrome: sufferers claim a greatness that no one outside of their own mind or entourage seems to agree on or validate as conventional wisdom.

Janice Dickinson claims to have been the “first supermodel” and she claims to have invented the term.  Janice please realize that, “Just because you say you are, doesn’t make it so.” I had never heard of Janice Dickinson, before 2002 when she forced her way into popular culture with VH1 countdown shows, her first book, and appearances America’s Next Top Model.

She has done an amazing job of rewriting history and attempting to insert herself into the pantheon of late 20th century supermodels.  Do a quick poll in the office and the names you will hear most often:  Kate Moss, Heidi Klum, Tyra Banks, Linda Evangelista, Claudia Schiffer, Helena Christensen, Carol Alt, Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford, Christy Turlington Christie Brinkley, Cheryl Tiegs, Elizabeth Hurley, Elle Macpherson, Eva Herzigova, Jerry Hall, Gia Carangi, Ingrid Boulting, Marie Helvin, Lauren Hutton, Verushka, Twiggy and Jean Shrimpton.

Janice Dickinson… anyone?  Bueller?

As for coining the term, “supermodel,”  Glamour magazine crowned 15 top models as “supermodels” in 1968, a full eleven years before Dickinson’s supposed brainstorm.  Fashion industry historians also credit an agent named Clyde Matthew Dessner in 1943 with first using the term.  So to aid Ms. Dickinson in getting over being a legend in her own mind, I’ve come up with a handy checklist:

You might be a supermodel if…

1) You appeared on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Carol Alt and Heidi Klum made the cover.  How about multiple times?  Elle Macpherson made the cover a record five times.  Christie Brinkley, Cheryl Tiegs, and Kathy Ireland all made it three times. Rachel Hunter, Tyra Banks, and Paulina Porizkova made the cover twice.

2) Your personal fortune rivals that of your significant other. Gisele Bundchen married multi-millionaire NFL quarterback Tom Brady.  Forbes Magazine pegged her take home pay at $33 million in 2007.  I think we can safely call him the trophy husband.

3) You married a multi-platinum selling music artist, preferably a member of the Rolling Stones, Duran Duran, David Bowie, or Billy Joel.

4)You were immortalized in song, preferably by name. The Smithereens song, “Behind the Wall of Sleep” which contains the opening lyrics “She had hair like Jeannie Shrimpton back in 1965″. Or at the very least be known as the inspiration for multiple songs like Pattie Boyd, the first wife of George Harrison and later married to Eric Clapton.  It’s well known that Harrison’s “Something,” and Clapton’s “Layla”, “Wonderful Tonight,” and “Bell Bottom Blues” were all about their relationship with Boyd.

5) You had a major cosmetics or clothing endorsement deal. Not something you’ve slapped your name on from QVC, we’re talking Chanel, Revlon, Estee Lauder, etc.

6) You were a top selling calendar or poster girl. Names like Cheryl Tiegs, Farrah Fawcett, Brooke Shields, and Raquel Welch all proved their star power with merchandise that sold to millions of teenage boys and their fathers.

7) You appeared in George Michael’s Freedom video. Here’s the list: Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista, Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington, and Tatiana Patitz.  Or you appeared in Robert Palmer videos.  A lot of “aspiring” models and actresses made music videos– Mötley Crüe’s Girls, Girls, Girls anyone?  Unfortunately, for strippers from Los Angeles’ Body Shop and The Seventh Veil—the finest of the pole is hardly the finest of the runway.

You were photographed by Herb Ritts, Annie Leibowitz, or Richard Avedon.

9) You were a household name at the height of your career or you at least maintained a degree of respectable longevity. Carol Alt  was an SI cover girl, had her first major magazine cover for Harper’s Bazaar in 1980, she’s appeared on more than 700 glossies and in ad campaigns for Diet Pepsi, Hanes and CoverGirl.  Alt wrote a few books and had a movie career in Italy.

Whereas Janice stared in The Surreal Life,  “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!” (the UK version), her own show and now there is talk of her being on NBC’s version of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!”.  First rule of true celebrity– don’t behave like a has-been or wanna be.

10) The band was with you;  you were not with the band.  Sleeping with celebrities doesn’t necessarily make you one. Janice Dickinson told Howard Stern she’s slept with over 1000 people.  Hmmm.  It’s not that difficult to hump someone famous (Divine Brown’s encounter with Hugh Grant comes to mind).  We’re looking for the trifecta: (1) Be famous in your own right, (2) Get offered film roles despite the fact you can’t act (3) Get someone of equal or greater fame to marry you.

So yes, Janice Dickinson might have gotten number eight, but one out of ten doesn’t make you a supermodel.  Simply being in the room and having contemporaries that were doesn’t make you one. Yes, she was repped by Elite Model Management, one of the biggest agencies in the world, but so were Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista, and Naomi Campbell.  And that’s ok.

Not to take anything away from Ms. Dickinson, she’s great at self-promotion and she did have an extensive modeling career- but she’s still not a “supermodel”.   Modeling is one of those professions… much like acting and athletics where there are true “super” stars and then there are people who make a nice living at it.  The first group is known to the general public because they become bigger than the industry, and the second group is known to insiders and kind documentarians.

Real examples…
In the world of acting, take Lee Arenberg.   A true working actor, with credits stretching back to the late 1980s.  He’s had parts on Seinfeld, ER, Friends, Bob Roberts and all three Pirates of the Caribbean films.  People don’t know his name, but he’s excellent at what he does.  Better to be an employed character actor, than a flash in the pan.  (See Michael Paré)

In sports, everybody remembers the NBA championship teams of the Chicago Bulls from the 1990s.  The superstars were Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen.  Nobody talks about Bill Wennington.  The man was there– he has three rings, he played center.  He was not a “superstar”, but he was highly accomplished, and there is no shame in that.

Troy Brown has the same problem… highly accomplished NFL wide receiver, has three Super Bowl rings from playing with the New England Patriots.  He is not the most famous Patriot, that would be Tom Brady (who is married to a bona fide supermodel) or even game winning kicker Adam Vinatieri.  Even at his position, only NFL nerds will give Brown his due.  In terms of wide receivers that the general public knows, he couldn’t make the top five: when guys like Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, Jerry Rice, Lynn Swann, and Larry Fitzgerald are highlight reel and jersey selling superstars.

So I ask the lovely Janice Dickinson, to drop the charade.  You were not the first supermodel, nor were you a “supermodel” that the public recognized then or now.  You are simply an attractive model who worked a lot in the 1970s and ran in circles with people who were more famous than you then and are still more famous than you now.

And to other sufferers of Janice Dickinson Syndrome, just be happy being “good” and perhaps unsung.  Because nobody in their right mind will agree that you are the greatest of all time—and they certainly shouldn’t pay you a bonus funded with taxpayer dollars (insert the name of any executive from AIG or firm getting TARP funds).

Post Script: It was a tossup, either naming the syndrome after the self proclaimed “World’s First Supermodel” or after Kanye West who has said, “I believe I am the greatest entertainer of this generation.”  It was tough since he put himself in the same class as the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, and Elvis.  West redeemed himself after taking the South Park “Fishsticks” episode in stride on his blog:  “I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE I’M NOT ACTUALLY A HUGE DOUCHE BUT I’M UP FOR THE CHALLENGE. I’M SURE THE WRITERS AT SOUTH PARK ARE REALLY NICE PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE.”